A hunk, a hukn bernin luv (sic)

"That's how Elvis would say it."

It's like Harrison with a G.

It's probably her dream too

RE: Covering high school football
"You get paid to be away from your wife and watch football. It's my dream."

When it was decided "dirty blonde" was 3/5th a vote

"Aw. I didn't read the Hair Color Act of 1948."

Your boy Ravi Shankar

"Guitar Hero. You know what I'm waiting for? Sitar Hero. *Sitar sounds*"

Well, depends, is there milk?

So if there was nothing left to eat in the world except Oreos and Hot Pockets, which would you pick?

Hey! You! Suck!

"Next time you're on American Idol or whatever, you should totally sing 'Rock and Roll Part 2.' You know, that song they play at games. DuunnnDunnnn DunnnDunnn DuunnnDunnnn DunnnDunnn Dun Dun Dunnuuunnna Dundun HEY!"

Any other speech disorders that really do it for you?

Mark: I wish I had a wife that could give haircuts.
Me: I had a girlfriend that could give haircuts.
Mark: That's perfect. If only she was mute, now that would've been perfect.